Let's be real, as a farewell season 'Gossip Girl' has been pretty dry and 'Portrait of a Lady Alexander' was no exception. They need to start kicking it into high gear because there aren't many episodes left until Gossip Girl says "XOXO, forever..." That's not to say that this episode was bad, anything is easy viewing after 9O21O (as I've mentioned before). Dan is attempting to stir the pot though as this week's episode opened with the release of Dan's new article, this time it was about Nate, who isn't too happy about Dan's portrayal of him. On the streets of NYC, Dan and Georgina talk about Dan's strides in the literary world, which isn't too far to Dan's dismay as Georgina tells him that people are starting to compare him to Perez Hilton. But Georgina doesn't care, she says that it's all about the image so they need to get Dan a new A-Lister girlfriend. When Steven finds out about Dan's article on Sage's boyfriend, Nate, Steven bans Sage from seeing him. However, Serena steps in and gets Steven to invite Nate to a horse show so they can bond. I think Serena and Steven's relationship needs to end, it's too weird. It might be coming to an end though cause Dan's article mentions that Nate and Serena dated, Steven is kinda mad that Serena never told him and he wants her to tell him everyone she has ever dated. Over at Rufus' loft, Lily has sent boxes full of Rufus' stuff over, who knew that Rufus had so much junk. Ivy takes it upon herself to snoop through the boxes until she finds a letter that Lily wrote to Rufus on the day of her wedding to Bart. Blair is feeling down after her fashion show disaster, she's dodging Eleanor's calls and diving into the mystery of Lady Alexander. I feel like Blair ignoring her mother's calls is very immature, especially now that she works for Eleanor. However, Blair is very helpful with the mystery when she finds out that some dude painted a portrait of Lady Alexander so Chuck and Blair high tail it to this guy's gallery. The best character in this episode, Lily, then discovers that someone made a post about her on Gossip Girl. The post just so happens to be about her wedding and Rufus, I wonder who it could have been? Lily seems annoyed that she's on Gossip Girl but I think that she's secretly happy that she's finally being featured. Back with Blair and Chuck, they find out that the portrait of Lady Alexander is a portrait of a horse meaning that Lady Alexander is/was a horse.
Blair immediately thinks one thing, Bart's secret is that he just loves horses. I agree Blair. Chuck isn't convinced so they dig deeper and decide to go to the horse show that is currently happening. Meanwhile, Dan is having interviews for A-Lister girlfriends with Georgina as the ring leader. When Serena arrives to chat with Dan about his articles Georgina tells Serena that no bags are allowed and takes Serena's bag off her. Good job, Georgina. Why is Serena stupid enough to give Georgina her bag? Anyway, Dan tells Serena that he isn't going to include the time when they had sex in his article. Now that Serena has what she wants, she goes back to hating on Dan. Bart Bass tries to buy his way into The Spectator cause it looks like Nate's ship is going down. Little does Bart know that Chuck and Blair's scheme is underway. Lily goes to see Chuck because Bart told her that it was probably Chuck that posted the story about her on Gossip Girl. Could Bart get more annoying? But Lily believes Chuck when he tells her that he had nothing to do with it. That's when Blair comes running in and starts talking about the horse show. Lily comes along for the ride because she has nothing better to do. Nate then finds out that it was Ivy who sent the tip to Gossip Girl and he hires her on behalf of The Spectator to do more digging and basically be their version of Dan/Gossip Girl. Which makes me think that Gossip Girl isn't gonna be too happy when she finds out that she has even more competition. Chuck tells Lily that he wants to keep their trip to the horse show a secret because he wants to buy the grounds of the horse place. In one of the weirder scenes, Serena tells Steven all her old flings while he gives her a massage but she leaves out Dan and Sage invites Serena to the horse show. Back with Lily, she lies to Bart about where they are going but we see Bart across the street spying on the gang. The image of Bart Bass sticking his head out that limo window will haunt me in nightmares to come.
At the show, Blair and Chuck try their best to lose Lily but I think she's high in this whole episode and she ain't going nowhere. Also, Steven and Nate hit it off, that was quick. Blair finally distracts Lily while Chuck goes to question Lady Alexander's owner, Iman. Although, Bart shows up and ruins everything, Chuck does find out that Iman thinks of Bart as family and Bart sent Lady Alexander off to live on a farm. Lily totally wants to be Blair's new BFF now that Serena is out of the picture but Blair flees as soon as she sees Serena, leaving Lily, Serena and Sage to chat. Not a good idea as Lily has never met Sage and she freaks out when she sees that Sage is high school age. Lily then begins to accuse Serena of having a father complex, that made me laugh. That's when a new blast goes off. Lily automatically assumes that it's a Gossip Girl blast and that it's about her. She is just loving every minute of it. But she's right because it is about her but it isn't a Gossip Girl blast, it's a Spectator blast meaning that Ivy had something to do with this. The blast says that Steven slept with Lily in the past.
Lily admits to her past one night stand with Steven but he doesn't seem to remember until she jogs his memory. That's not very good for Lily's self-esteem. Blair then convinces Iman to talk to Chuck about what she knows. Which she does, she tells Chuck that her father was in the oil business and Chuck figures out that Bart was breaking federal law by buying this oil. So that was the big secret? Pretty boring... Back in the city, Slutty Serena tells Steven that she can move past her mother sleeping with her boyfriend but it'll take time. It's Serena, of course she can. We find out that Nate has been doctoring his credit reports and Bart takes this as his invitation to take over The Spectator. Oh Nate, like father, like son. I have no idea what Bart is up to but he tells Lily to stay away from Chuck, Lily is the only parent Chuck has really ever had. Get out Bart! Serena realizes that it's time to delete the sex tape she made with Dan, after she slept with Steven, didn't she say it would take time. Ugh, Serena! Although, Georgina is watching the sex tape because don't forget, she stole Serena's bag which had the phone in it, which had the sex tap on it, sneaky Georgina! And finally, Dan comes to Blair's because he has nowhere else to go. She tells him that he can stay in Serena's old room. That was my favorite part of the whole episode, Dair friendship is better than nothing. I'm excited to see what Georgina does with the tape, so glad to see evil Georgina make a comeback and I'm looking forward to see Dan and Blair's friendship develop. An okay episode, but like I said, they need to pick up the pace a little.
Overall episode score:-
Portrait of a Lady Alexander = B
6 more episodes to go...
By Leon Moore
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